Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Whats going on now

So its been sometime since i have filled all u in so here its is. Its now 6 months since my operation. A few things have happened i have got my bag taking off there in august which i was so happy about.. I have been suffering ever since doh, I'm constantly on the toilet and i have lost some weight. I had put up weight prier to the reversal but sadly dropped to 6 stone.. ATM i dunno what i weight but cant be too much.

Unfortunitly I have been left with a big dint and scar in my side and i know its the least of my worries but Come on im a girl so sensitive about my body now and am struggling to cope. My boyfriend still love me for who i am and how i look but its hard to take it in. Apart from been on the toilet not a few good things and bad things have happened. My godson is finally crawling and talking a being a mad happy baby and i love him so so much. Me and kearney are still together getting on brilliant, I cudnt ask for a better boyfriend, we will be together 2 years in after December  He has been so good to me and helpful along with my whole family and friends. I have been still dancing have won lots of trophies and medals and have north leinsters in 3 weeks.. Super excited and hope to do well also. I started doing Avon to keep me busy and have also been doing YouTube to keep me busy as i cant do much with work wise. A lot of people will probably laugh and be like your weird but its for fun. I just talk about makeup hair all girlie stuff sing and also do tag videos and its a great way to interact with people. So them few things are keeping my mind at ease.. 

I'm still finding it hard to cope with it all because i never wanted this to happen. Kids for me is not  an option to experience birth in that way. It hurts to know if i am with Kearney forever well i hope and we want kids i cant do that and i feel like a loser and a let down. He always reassures me that it will be okay. Adoption and fostering is an option for me but at the moment i don't want to because i want my own baby i made. I know im still young but im longing for one knowing i cant have a baby... WEIRD i know...!! 

Other than that the worst possibly thing has happened in the last 2 months. My uncle by marriage sadly passed away from Bowel Cancer. He was quite young and shudnt of went. GOD ALWAYS TAKES THE BEST, a quote that is so true. I miss him everyday and i cant only imagine what mu auntie and cousins are going through. I know there strong and they have so much support. I hate how everyone i love is been taking away from me and it happened so quick. I love him dearly and miss him so much and he knows as im always talking to him and i know he is protecting me and not going to let anything happen to me... Hes my angel aswell as many others.. I love you dearly Pakie and you will never be forgotten. R.I.P. 

Apart from trying to cope with Pakie gone which is so hard as we were eachothers rock my auntie on my mums side has lung cancer. Although i was told mine was not in my family gene and it was pure back luck, a coincidence how she has it and it does not make sense. She is getting treatment and is tired but she will get there.. As they say TIME IS THE BEST HEALER, a quote i have been living bye for 3 years. Other than that there is not much to tell... I am in remission i will never get over what my life has been and what has been taking from me but only live with the fact and cry it out and know that its not my time to go yet. I don't think Pakie and Robbie want me up there quite yet.. Isn't that right guys :D 

I can only move forward in life and face the obstacles to come.. As long as i have Kearney, my family, friends the amazing support and my beautiful godson, I THINK ILL DO JUST FINE :D. 
For now that's whats life has been like.. I will post again soon but for now thanks so much for reading i appreciate it.. Please spread this around because i believe it can help a lot of people... 


      LISA XX