Monday, 26 March 2012

My life is ruined forever

I haven't got a period since January so as any normal girl would think I AM PREGNANT. Wrong I had done loads of test all negative, so I was confused. I was complaining of back pain so went to my doctor to see if I had a kidney infection but it didn't say but I got antibiotics as was moving up to the north that Friday. That Wednesday I had a ct scan the usual to make sure everything was okay and they always ask are you pregnant and I said no but I didn't no even though the tests said I wasn't I could have been because it happens to people. I got my scan as normal and went on home but this time I had a feeling something was wrong and had for weeks I thought maybe my cancer is back as my stomach is swollen and I have some symptoms!! But then I said no couldn't be I am a year clear its all good. I went for my results that Friday the same day I was moving away I was so excited I wanted it for months. I went in to the doctor as usual and he asked me how I was feeling and I had said not well and told him about my period being late and my belly being big and swollen. He checked me over sat me down and told me I had spots on my ovaries. I cried so hard.
My normal doctor Dr Kennedy was called and asked where was my mam and dad and I explained they were gone for tea I wanted to come in by myself, worst decision ever. He told me I had a tumour in my pelvis. I cried so hard a nurse had to be called to calm me down. My parents were called and I told them they cried too it just isn't right.
He sent me for a pet scan last Wednesday to get a clearer picture to see how big and if it had spread. I didn't want this again no way.I went back that Friday were I walked in to my surgeon Dr P McCormick and Dr Kennedy. The reason I have back pain and I look pregnant and my tummy is hard is because I was diagnosed with secondary cancer :(. I now have a large tumour on each ovary. Its still classed as bowel cancer but its on my ovaries and YES I know its confusing but I cannot explain it any better.
I am waiting on word for an operation were I might have to go to England but I don't know when yet,hopefully soon please god. I will never get a period ever and can never have kids and I am only 18 and this is not right at all. My life is ruined I can never have a family of my own really. I no I can adopt but it doesn't feel the same. I will never have a normal life it will be hospital and and needles and all this and its not one but fair.
I don't want anybody taking there life for granted you don't know how lucky you people are. I just want a normal life I don't want to put my family through this again its not healthy. People always say i am so strong and the reason for it is I have to or else I would no cope. People say I am an inspiration but I don't know how but I will take the complement.
I will write another post when I get my operation and how it went but for now this is all I have. I hope you liked it and it made you look at your life in a different way and love it also <3

1 comment:

  1. I know what has happened is awful for you, I know that is very hard. But I don't think your life is ruined, or will be ruined. I think you have some serious adjustments to make in your life, I have had to do the same my whole life so I know what it's like to have something awful happen to you when you are so young.. the thing is, I didn't allow what happened to me as a child ruin my life. I have a disability, I am always in pain, and I may get physically worse as I get older, but I refuse to let some medical condition ruin my life. And this should apply to you also! You have a life to live! If this means you can't have your own children biologically, that is a major thing to accept and get over. But don't rule out adoption. You say it won't be the same, but in fact it may be even don't know yet. I know you have a heart filled with love, and if you adopt a child, it will be YOUR child, and you will shower the child in love, as it will become yours, I am convinced of that. But before all that, you have a life to live! Lisa, you will live your life and make every day count! Once you get this treatment in the UK, and recover from that, you simply get back on track and live your life to the full. So don't say your life is ruined, your life is only beginning, there are parties to go to, places to travel to, new people to meet, lots of new and exciting experiences ahead of you... there is so much good thing yet for you to do, and you will do them! Don't be thinking too far ahead and think it's all doom and gloom, you should focus on the "now", and build your strength up physically and mentally for the challenge ahead of you, and that is the treatment and recovering in the UK and when you get home. And remember, you are not alone, you have a family that adore you, support you, that are with you every step of the way...try not to look at the negative aspects of what has happened to you, focus on the many positives you have in your life! Life is for living... you have the gift of life, make it mean something and plan on living a good life.